Refocus Your Focus


Since the beginning of the school year, without even realizing it, Kerry and I have been making more time for the two of us to be together. With Samantha and Ryne starting their lives together and Baylee becoming more independent and preparing for her Senior year as a “still guided by her parents” adult, we have discovered that we are entering into a new and exciting chapter in our lives. We are reclaiming “Our Time” again as husband and wife! 

We are starting a C25K workout, that’s a “couch to 5K” style workout to slowly increase our endurance to run a 5K in its entirety. We have also found time to team teach our adult Sunday School class these past weeks. And we still are doing our best to have our weekly “date night” with each other. In other words, it’s our time again. 

We do not want to wake up some morning in the future and look at each other and wonder what we do now…the girls are grown up, they have moved out of the house…and now what? That is a scary place to be in a marriage of 20 plus years. It takes preventive measures and steps as a husband and wife. We realize how important it is to not only build, but maintain that foundation of our marriage. It did not happen over night, it took years of making it a priority. So with that key word here are just a few ideas on how to refocus your focus on each other.

1. Prioritize Your Marriage: Make sure your kids know what we’re doing to plant that seed in their young minds that their Mommy and Daddy love each other and make their marriage a priority. Through your words, actions, and deeds towards one another, do your children see your marriage as a priority or as a chore?

2. Laughter: The amount of laughter in your marriage is like the fuel needle on a car telling you how full your tank is. Early on in a relationship, there’s usually all kinds of laughter, but as the stresses of life set in, that laughter is often replaced with silence and sometimes even apathy. Life can be hard sometimes, and there are moments when crying together is the only appropriate response, but make laughter a priority and you’ll find that fun fuels a marriage!  Seriously, find time to laugh and enjoy each other’s sense of humor.

3. Put Down the Social Media: Take time to enjoy the “moments” together and make those moments become “memories.” Too often we are focused on our phones and all that is happening in the world that we neglect those within our reach. Turn them off, put them down, and look into each other’s eyes as you communicate to each other…which leads into the next one.

4. Communicate: Most women measure the health of the relationship by the frequency of the communication. Couples that prioritize conversations and minimize the distractions that keep them apart tend to be a whole lot stronger. Set apart time each day to turn off the cell phones and carve out time to talk. Maybe it’s over a cup of coffee, a walk around the neighborhood, or even some quiet time on the couch. The whole idea is to stop, make eye contact with each other, do not let yourselves be distracted and talk.
5. Sex: Yes, that’s right…sex. Most men measure the health of their marriage by the frequency of sex. Granted, there’s a lot more to a marriage than sex, but couples that prioritize what happens the bedroom tend to be a lot stronger in all aspects of the relationship. Don’t be afraid to schedule time for making love. It sounds like it takes the spontaneous moments away, but in the busy seasons of life, you’ve got to schedule everything that’s important or it usually won’t happen. There will still be plenty of opportunities to be spontaneous!

6. Stay God-Centered: The more you love God, the more capacity you will have to love your spouse, your kids and yourself. Make your relationship with Him the foundation of your life and everything else will fall into place. Take time to grow in your relationship with Him. Start first with the Bond that God is the center of your relationship…Holiness, and then the union between you and your spouse will be blessed. 

These are just some of our thoughts. Do you have any to add?

Enjoy the blessings of your God-ordained marriage!

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