Four Nuggets of Biblical Truth for Every Marriage

happy-marriage

Kerry and I felt the calling to come together in ministry as Biblical marriage/family counselors about 4 years ago. We have noticed all the books, the blogs, the videos out there that will help to “restore” or “fix” your marriage quick.  However, we both agree that the place to start and finish is God’s Word.  What we have learned and experienced is that those who truly are seeking to redeem their marriage back to where God intended it to be, will seek His word first and foremost. They will go to His precepts and will seek to be obedient to all of His word, not just pick and choose so as to satisfy a selfish heart.

Instead of a “magic pill” that so many crave for their marriages, Kerry and I would like to share 4 pieces of scripture and advice that we know are true and beautiful to apply to any marriage at any time. So if you are a newlywed or coming up on 25 years, these 4 principles apply.

1). Try to be the biggest servant in the house.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. JN 15:12

And how did Jesus love us? By giving himself up for us (Eph 5:25). He came not to be served but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many (Mk 10:45). Jesus didn’t ask, “What am I getting out of this?” but concerned himself with our welfare. Genuine love is not primarily a feeling but a costly decision to sacrifice yourself for the good of another person. Have this mentality – I want to be the biggest servant in the house. Don’t evaluate how your spouse is serving you but ask yourself how can I better serve my spouse?  Your goal is to out serve one another.

2) Make God your source of satisfaction, not your spouse.

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. PS 90:14

Remember – only God can satisfy our thirst. In Jeremiah 2:13 God said, “My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.” It is evil to look to anything (or anyone) other than God to satisfy us. Anything other than God is a “broken cistern” that can’t hold water – can’t satisfy. Remember, no human being can satisfy another human being. Your spouse can’t fulfill you, make you happy or meet all your needs. Put God first in your marriage by regularly taking in His word, praying and fellowshipping with other believers. He will satisfy you with His love which you will then be able to pour out to your spouse.

3) Keep short accounts

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Eph 5:26-27

When you have a conflict, or an offense with your spouse, try to work it out the same day. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Keep short accounts. Take care of it that day. Because when we let conflicts go unresolved it gives opportunity to the devil to tempt us to further anger, unforgiveness, and other sins. It’s tempting to want to hold on to anger, to “punish” your spouse by holding on to our anger, or giving him or her the cold shoulder. But we don’t have that luxury. In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus said, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Obviously there are some sins that may require ongoing counseling or dialogue and healing and trust can take time. But the idea is to deal with offenses as quickly as you can. If the conflict is too intense, where it may go nuclear at any second, then do what Kerry and I do…We schedule the fight for another time. That’s right, schedule your fights.  Do so within 24-36 hours.  By then, you will be calm and level headed. By this action, you are able to go to bed and not let anger and resentment take full control.

4) Above all seek the glory of God.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.  1 CO 10:31

Your marriage is not primarily for yourself, but for the glory of God. Marriage is to display the oneness and love of Christ and His church for each other. Our marriages are to be “snapshots” of how Jesus loves His bride and how the church loves Jesus. And as Jesus did all for his Father’s glory, so we should seek to glorify God through our marriages. We should seek Holiness first and foremost, not happiness, in our marriages.  So if you have a conflict, don’t make your goal to win the argument, but ask yourself what will bring God the most glory. Will it glorify God most for me to be angry at my spouse or to seek to work through our conflict, ask forgiveness and forgive? Will it most glorify God for me to seek to fulfill my own desires or if I lay down my life to serve my spouse?

So here are the 4 nuggets we have to share to all husbands and wives-

1) Try to be the biggest servant in the house
2) Make God your source of satisfaction, not your spouse.
3) Keep short accounts
4) Above all seek the glory of God.

Continue to grow closer to Him by reading and applying His word into your life and marriage daily. Seek His holiness and the love and joy of marriage will overflow through you and into your spouse as well.

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