Victim or Survivor?

Victim: Something destroyed; something completely sacrificed in the pursuit of an object or situation.

Survivor: One who outlives another or a situation of conflict.

rear-view-mirror

In this world, it seems that we begin to classify ourselves as either a “Victim” or a “Survivor” of our past or current circumstances.

It’s become easy to play the victim card and stay a prisoner of the past. Not allowing ourselves to look forward, but to be perpetually stuck looking in the rear-view mirror.  We use the pain of past or the trials of the current to set the tone for our life. We become “Hand-Wringers” and use that victim card to remain hopeless and broken. It is the excuse we carry so we no longer have to take responsibility for our own actions but instead we place blame on the past.

Or, we take a new ownership and call ourselves Survivors! We have overcome the past. We no longer place blame on the past, but instead we know where the pain came/comes from and we conquer it. We take either responsibility for our actions or we choose to forgive the one who caused us the pain and terror. We no longer live in the grip on its guilt. We point back to our past and declare we are a survivor.

However, I am asking that you notice something from both those classifications: Victim or Survivor. They both still point to the past. While one is victorious and the other is brokenness, they both rely on the past as their “Badge.”

In the next couple of weeks, I will share with you all some very personal and raw emotions and events from my past. I will also take time to share with you where I was a Victim, where I became a Survivor, but most of all, when I chose to become a New Creation in Christ. The past is gone, a new life has begun.

Hear me please, I truly know that there are many circumstances out in the world that are so overwhelming that you cannot fully understand how to even begin to survive. I will not be trivial nor contrite in the upcoming weeks. I give you my word that I will be honest, true and very transparent. I will share with you my journey and where my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has brought me. So please, let me share with each of you my heart.  Thank you. We will continue this discussion next Monday.

Kerry

5 Questions That Should Be Asked….

Kerry and I spent this past Saturday on a date night. Anyone that knows us well knows how much we advocate “Date Nights” for husbands and wives. This is a time to focus on one another and continue the pursuit of both romance and well as intimacy in your growing marriage. Yet, last week I came across an article that opened my perspective on “Date Nights.”
The article came from Intimate Marriage. They talked about two types of Date Nights. The first one was the one that I always think of, the “Fun Date Nite.” This is the one that is reminiscent of those dates you had when you were courting each other. Very light hearted and a getting to know each other in a fun and creative way. You both took time to enjoy one another’s company and create memories from that date. They introduced another “Date Night” that I feel should be a vital and necessary date time with your spouse: The Working Date.
A “Working Date ” is a regular hour block each week when a husband and wife come together to work on their marriage. In contrast to a “Fun Date Night” where no business is allowed, the working date is set
aside to do the business of marriage. This is the time to ask the 5 questions to one another and instead of justifying your answers or manipulating the conversation, stop and listen to your spouse and ask God to guide you to fulfill the answers shared by your spouse.
This is not an easy task at hand. The questions require prayer, thought, and transparency. Fulfilling those answers requires humility, obedience to God’s will, and a willingness to grow closer to your spouse; the one God ordained for you.

Here are the 5 questions:
1. How did you feel loved this past week? How did you feel hurt this past week?
2. What does your upcoming week look like?
3. How would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead?
4. How would you best feel pursued in sex / intimacy this week?
5. How can I pray for you this week?

Kerry and I spent the entire night asking and answering those 5 questions. Yes, some of the answers were hard to hear and there were times we felt we both needed to justify the “why’s,” however, we knew that this was the time to capture our thoughts, make them obedient to Christ, and serve one another by fulfilling those answers. It turned out to be one of the best “Date Nights” we have had in many years.

So are there any other questions you may add?  What are your thoughts?

What Makes an Orgasm So…

I’ve had some pretty amazing orgasms with my husband, and each time I am in awe of God. In awe that of all the ways He could show off His creativity, He would choose this.

Oh my, what intense, profound, and whimsical depth of pleasure an orgasm is. Only you, God. Only you could come up with something like that.  Remember women and men, that the clitoris serves no other purpose than a wife’s sexual pleasure. None. That’s its only job description. However, we ladies too often fail in allowing it to do its job.

And no other experience even comesIMG_0451 close to the feeling of an orgasm.

Which is why when I hear from wives who have yet to have an orgasm – or who have extreme difficulty experiencing one – I morph into some kind of sex cheerleader, urging them to not give up.

“You do not want to miss out on this! Seriously. Please don’t give up. Don’t fake it. Don’t rob yourself of this. And don’t rob your husband of seeing you and feeling you experience this.”

Sure, I can hear your skepticism at my enthusiasm, as you mull over whether I’m making waayyy too big a deal about sexual climax in the marriage bed.

“Sex isn’t all about orgasm, Kerry!”

True. But let’s not kid ourselves. It’s a lot about orgasm! Yes, I said it!

Ask yourself this question: “When a husband and a wife are physically able to be sexually intimate, yet their sexual encounters drift toward only the husband being sexually satisfied, what happens?”

Enter bored wife, stage right.

Not only does sex become boring, routine and chore-like to a wife in this scenario, it also becomes a source of tremendous resentment.
She begins to begrudge sex; find ways to avoid it; and possibly even blame him. And before long, the whole fabric of the marriage is taking a hit.  Ironically, even he starts to not really enjoy sex, because she’s not into it.  And how could she be? I mean, there’s no pleasure in it for her.

Sure, we’d like to think sexually unsatisfied wives could rise above all that, but human nature being what it is tells us that few wives (if any) really can  just keep “taking one for the team” – without ever getting to hoist the trophy.  And honestly, why would we want them to rise above it?

Why would we want them to keep missing out on the mind-blowing experience of sexual release?

If you are a wife who has never experienced an orgasm and have resigned yourself to never having one, there’s nothing – nothing – noble about your lack of sexual climax.

“But Kerry, if God is such a generous God, why is this so difficult for so many of us wives? Why isn’t a wife’s orgasm as predictable as a husband’s?”

Valid question. Very valid question.

And I used to think that when I get to heaven, I would finally be able to ask God face-to-face my most perplexing sex questions (I know. Probably not what should be high on my priority list at that point, but if you know me at all, you can’t seriously be surprised I wonder these things, right?)

I think, though, I won’t have to wait for my answer, because I think God has already given it to me.

I believe God has created a unique opportunity for a husband and a wife to discover a level of intimacy they otherwise would miss if it was really easy for both of them to climax.  If it was always easy for both a husband and a wife to have an orgasm, I think we would downplay  God’s intention for sex to be this profound connection.

And if it was difficult for both a husband and a wife to have an orgasm, I think we would give up too easily, also missing out on that profound connection.

So instead, God creates a situation where a married couple is left with no other option than to learn together what it will take for them both to experience sexual pleasure.

In the exclusivity of the marriage bed, God invites a husband and a wife to vulnerably and intentionally explore each other’s bodies, to teach each other sexual pleasure, to try new techniques.

Yes, the penis tends to be more predictable than the clitoris, which may leave us assuming that the wife must have greater patience.  But think about the scenario again, okay?  Do you see where both a husband and a wife need patience?  Arousal is an opportunity; not a burden.

Wives, if you struggle experiencing orgasm, I pray you will hear my heart on this.  Your sexual pleasure matters.   If you have thought it doesn’t matter or if your husband has been indifferent, I encourage you to courageously shed light on this.

I know of a wife who was years into her marriage when she finally got the courage to talk to her husband about the reality that she had never been completely satisfied.  She knew that together they had to figure out how to change that unhealthy pattern into a healthier one where they valued pleasure for both of them.

Her marriage and their sexual intimacy are better today because of what at the time was an incredibly awkward conversation. Praise God she pushed through that hesitancy.  By the way, that wife is me and both Joe and I are better for it because of our transparency, not only between the sheets, but in all facets of our marriage.

Ladies, you have heard both Joe and I scream from the rooftops….COMMUNICATE with each other!!  Take time to share with your husband your struggles all the while communicating with him where to touch and how to touch you.

In the next few weeks both Joe and I will contribute to articles on the How, When, Where, and Why of Orgasm. Please know we do not take this lightly nor make this a trivial topic, but we both agree as a husband and wife how important sexually intimacy is in a marriage. When a husband learns because of the communication of his wife on how to bring her to orgasm, or if the wife begins to allow herself to learn more about her body so she can share that with her husband, it is then that a physical intimacy grows exponentially!

What about you?  If you are a wife who struggles experiencing orgasm or if you are a husband with a wife who is missing out on sexual pleasure, what are you going to do today?

The most profound intimate places in a marriage begin with authentic vulnerability.

Kerry

As A Woman Thinks…So She Will Be

woman-thinking

Wives, may I share a secret with you…a lot of who we are sexually is what we tell ourselves. We all have baggage from our lives. It’s very possible that your bags contain regret from premarital sex. Maybe they contain shame and guilt poured onto you from a parent.  There could be heavy bags from sexual abuse that you endured for years, held close and not dealt with because of the pain. Or yet, your bags could be from a previous betrayal of an ex or an existing spouse.  We open up those bags and “tell” ourselves that is who we are sexually and it can never change.  Well, the lies in those bags need to be thrown away and allow Christ to begin to heal you.

God has every intention of blessing your marriage bed. God created sexual intimacy specifically to be shared between a husband and a wife. If you don’t believe that, read chapters 6 & 7 of Song of Solomon. Wives, it’s time you handed over your baggage to God and let Him heal you. If you are in Christ, you are a new creation, the old has passed away.  Let’s start today by having God tell us who we are sexually. Spend time in prayer and ask for His guidance and wisdom. Grab a pen and paper and start writing about your sexuality as God sees it.

What do you think?
What do you feel?
What do you want?
What do you fear?

What do you want your sex life to look like?
What new messages do you need to begin to tell yourself?
What do you need to communicate to your husband?

Take time to really sit down and answer these questions. It’s important that you see yourself as God sees you…fearfully and wonderfully made. Seek first His Kingdom and everything else will fall into place.

Please don’t settle for less than God’s best for your sexuality.

Kerry

Guest Post: “Two Hours a Week to Affair Proof Your Marriage” by Gary Thomas

Today’s guest author is Gary Thomas. He is a bestselling author and international speaker whose ministry brings people closer to Christ and closer to others. He unites the study of Scripture, church history, and the Christian classics to foster spiritual growth and deeper relationships within the Christian community. Check out his Blog here.

2379751340_0fcaa138e9_z

Just two hours a week. 

That’s all it takes to affair-proof and divorce-proof your marriage.

After years of reading, writing, and speaking on marriage, and a few less years doing some pastoral counseling, I’ve identified two things that, when they are in place, can almost guarantee that your spouse won’t have an affair and that you won’t get a divorce.  But you need to do both.

I didn’t come up with these; I’m just recognizing them. You’ve heard of both of them, there’s nothing new here, but consider these two elements as the “canary in the mine.” You remember that old mines used to hold a canary in a cage in case poisonous gas began to leak into the mine. With such tiny lungs, the canary would die first, so the miners knew to get out of there. If your marriage has both elements that we’re about to mention, the “air” in your mine is relatively fresh and healthy and your marriage is probably fairly stable. If one or both of them die, the air is getting poisoned, and you need to take caution. Your marriage is now much more vulnerable to disintegration.

The first element is prayer.  Couples who pray together more days than not—say, 4 or 5 days out of seven—almost never get divorced. Much has been said about how Christians get divorced as often as non-Christians, but that’s not true of praying Christians. Husbands, most of us men have no idea how the rest of marriage will flow from this if we will simply take the lead and pray with and over our wives. I have not been nearly as faithful as I should have been in my marriage in this area, and am regularly convicted that this should be a non-negotiable, because I’ve seen its power in the lives of so many couples. The prayer times don’t need to be long—even five minutes at the beginning or the end of the day will suffice. It is very difficult to stay bitter and resentful or dishonest when praying together regularly. This act all but forces you to maintain a certain level of intimacy, and men, it moves most women in ways we will never understand.

Second, couples who have sexual relations two to three times a week, and who pray together regularly, almost never experience affairs. Wives, many of you have heard me talk about oxytocin and sex—Helen Fisher, the guru of neurochemical sexual research, has recently pointed out how the bonding factor of sexuality is more pronounced in men than it is in women.  That’s why some of you women may not understand the power of regular sexual relations, just as your husband may not understand the power of prayer. You already have elevated levels of oxytocin, but your husband needs that re-bonding release of oxytocin on a regular basis. For young husbands, 2 to 3 days a week might seem Spartan—I’m giving general, not particular, advice here.

The reason these two areas work as “canaries in the mine” is that sustaining regular prayer and regular sexual intimacy requires taking care of the marriage in its entirety. If we’re not talking to our wives, men, they don’t find it very easy to take off their clothes in our presence.  But you know that. And it becomes increasingly difficult to pray with someone if we’re even thinking about cheating on them. There’s just something about being in God’s presence with someone that goes far beyond words—God gives you His heart for that person in a way that can’t be naturally explained.

If either element is lacking (I’m not talking about marriages where a physical ailment makes sexual intimacy impossible), the marriage is taking a regular hit and you’re far more vulnerable to an affair or a divorce. Too many couples over-estimate their willingness to put up with sub-par marriages. They “get by,” slowly becoming spiritually or sexually isolated from each other, not realizing that temptation is patient. It will wait until we’ve reached our breaking point and present itself with a spectacularly captivating enticement just when we feel weakest. Spiritual intimacy and sexual intimacy, enjoyed on a regular basis, makes both parties much less susceptible to an overwhelming temptation.

I have yet to meet or talk with a couple where both of these elements are present that is in serious trouble. If one area is lacking the mere act of making it right—having to talk things out, listen, repent, change—repairs other areas of the marriage as well. Why can’t you pray together? Why don’t you want to enjoy each other? Those very questions lead to so many other issues. In the same way, however, neglecting either area is tantamount to ignoring other relational cancers that are slowly attacking the relationship.

For various reasons, you may not like either medicine, but when you know a medicine is so effective that its cure rate is virtually 100%, or at least in the high nineties, who are we to argue? Maybe, just maybe, God designed married couples to regularly pray and regularly have sex. As the creator of our souls and our bodies, He just might know what he’s talking about.

Ladies, Are You Initiating It???

Shulamite: “I am the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valley.”                                              Solomon: “Yes, compared to other women, my beloved is like a lily among thorns.”  Song of Songs 2:1,2

download (1)

Ok Ladies, I have a very important question for you…Out of the last five times you’ve made love with your husband, how many have you initiated, and how many has your husband initiated?

If you say he’s initiated all 5 that could be a problem!

Now, there are times that Joe and I just start making love because we’re kissing and snuggling, and it’s not clear which one of us initiated it. It just happened!  That is even more reason that we always try to go to bed at the same time, so that things can “just happen” if you know what I mean. There are also times that Joe is very tired, both emotionally and physically. So that evening is just a chance to snuggle and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

However, quite often we get into this rut where Joe will want sex more than I do, and so he’s the one who always initiates. That’s where conflict can arise.  If I negate his initiation of intimacy, then I begin to diminish Joe’s desire to initiate because it is met with a solid…NO. But that’s for another article. When his advances cease I am left to initiate sex, but there are times I’m not even sure how to initiate sex, because I’m not in the practice of it and I’m dealing with a husband that thinks I’m not in the mood.

Think on this…

For men sex communicates love and acceptance, while a lack of sex communicates the opposite. I realize this is not usually what women are communicating with sex and saying no, but it is what men feel. Even when you convince a man this is not what she means, he will still feel it.

When a man feels a good sexual connection with his wife he starts to want other forms of intimacy. Not tolerate, want. The need was always there, but it is hard to hear over the much louder need for sexual intimacy.

So, ladies, it’s time we all step up and take a more active role in our lovemaking with our husbands.  However, the question remains… “How do I initiate sex?”

Ladies, I would like offer 10 suggestions, ideas mined from both Joe and myself, on how to initiate sex with your husband –and help your husband feel like the most blessed man in the world!

  1. DO Show Enthusiasm

Initiating sex requires enthusiasm. The following sentences do NOT count as initiating sex:

We can if you really want to.

I’m heading to bed. I guess If you come within the next 10 to 15 minutes we may still have time to do something.

Do you want to do something tonight? I’m still awake.

It’s been at least a week, guess we are due for one.

Ladies, I speak from experience on this subject…If you’re going to initiate, the first step is NOT telling him “do you wanna?”  The first step is getting in the right frame of mind for sex so that you’re enthusiastic about it, too!  Don’t be a wet blanket!!

  1. DON’T Overthink It

Why don’t we initiate sex? I truly believe that because so often as soon as the thought pops into our heads we talk ourselves out of it.

This is a transcript of what often runs through my mind as I think about initiating sex with Joe.

Do I want to tonight? Well, I don’t know. It is kind of late, and I do need my sleep. I have had a long day and I am so tired. And he seems like he is tired too so maybe it’s just better if we get rest. It can’t be quality sex if we’re both tired and distant, so I had better pass tonight. And what if the kids wake up? And what if….

I have learned this the hard way ladies.  Here is my simple advice…Turn it off! Seriously. When you get the thought, remove it from your mind. Trust me ladies…you’ll be happier later–and you’ll likely sleep better, too!

  1. DON’T Be Embarrassed

“Good girls don’t like sex.”

Did you grow up thinking that? If you grew up thinking that only boys wanted sex, and girls just complied, then you may think that it’s your role to sit back and just respond to him. Anything else somehow upsets the order of the marriage bed that you were raised with.

But do you want the real truth… good girls DO want sex!  God gave us sex drives, too. And inside marriage sex is supposed to be a wonderful thing for both of you!

Think about it this way: Your husband is the only man on earth who can touch you like that. He’s the only man on earth who really truly knows you. You don’t need to be embarrassed around him.  You have something that in a Biblical marriage he cannot receive anywhere else.  Paul teaches us in 1 Corinthians that our bodies are not our own, but that of our spouses.  (1 Cor 7:3-5)

I know that can be a hard transition to make. But begin by practicing little things, like saying to him the morning after you made love, “I had fun last night”, or “you made me feel great!” Practice talking about it afterwards, and it makes it easier to talk about it beforehand!

  1. DON’T Beat Around the Bush

Ladies, this is something I continue to work on. There are many times I will inform Joe that I was in the mood and ready to make love to him; however, it is now the next morning when I inform him of this.  Trust me, he is not too pleased on the missed opportunity. I did not give clear signals. I tried to cuddle up and give him “chills” on his back; however, that signaled relaxation, not sex.

Men are usually afraid of getting rejected, and if he tends to have the higher sex drive in your marriage, he may have conditioned himself to never think about it, or to try not to assume you’re going somewhere, because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. This is Joe in a nutshell.  He is almost always ready but will refrain from getting any hopes up and thus rejected. So with that being said, being subtle isn’t a good thing. Be obvious. Be bold.  Be clear and precise.  It’s easier on everyone!

  1. DO Use Your Hands

Don’t like talking about sex? You don’t have to. Come up behind him, wrap your arms around him, start nibbling his ear, and let your hands wander.  Make sure that you aren’t doing something to relax him, like I shared previously, but instead use your hands to EXCITE him!

Or lead him to the bedroom–but not with HIS hand. You can get things going without saying any words, if the words make you shy. Just do it!

  1. DO Be Creative

Joe has often shared with husbands that evening sex with your wife begins in the morning during breakfast. This can also be said for wives as well. Initiating sex should start earlier in the day. Ladies, text him a flirtatious text or if you are so bold, send him a sexting text while he is at work. Get him revved up early.  You can get dressed in your “pretty” underwear and let him see, and say something like, “so this is what I’ll be wearing all day today….”  You can leave him clues as to what you are going to do to him behind your bedroom door after the kids go to bed.

Trust me ladies, if a thought crosses your mid to entice and excite your husband, do it! This will speak volumes to your husband and will reinforce that message that you are so excited to make love to them. Trust me ladies, they’ll definitely go with it!

  1. DO Laugh

One of the funniest and best times Joe and I share during intimacy is when we get the giggles over trying to either “do something new” or try out a “new position” that is an epic fail. It’s okay to act like a teenager. Really and truly, you can flirt with your husband! Come up with corny and silly phrases.  There is nothing wrong with giving certain body parts a name or identity that only you two share.  It really is okay. And the more laughter, the more fun all around.

  1. DO Be Eye Candy

Instead of wearing your “comfy” pajamas from your college days, get into some silk ones. Or put on a matching bra and panty set, and as you get undressed, show him what you’re wearing. Try putting on a teddy! Get sexy and share with him what only he can experience.  It is so important to not only verbally flirt with your husband, but to physically flirt with him.

Try this one as well, go naked underneath a bathrobe and “flash” him while he’s watching TV. Then walk away, and see if he follows. It works on Joe every time!

  1. DO Follow Through

This is so important ladies. If you make your husband a promise or commitment to be more intimate, then follow through!  If you’ve been texting him all day, or you whispered in his ear when he walked in the door, then do follow through. It’s hard on a guy to get his engines revving and then stopping with no warning. Obviously if something comes up you may have to forego sex that evening, but if you’ve been hinting, then as much as possible, set the right conditions.

Don’t become distracted by the TV or the computer. Don’t let work that was brought home redirect the path that was set.  If sex is your plan, then make sure it happens early, when you’re still thinking about it, rather than giving other things–the news, the computer, work–a chance to distract you and make you change your mind.

  1. DO Be Active

Ladies, I’ve written before about the importance of making love with your husband. So please remember this, once you’ve caught his attention, and you’re heading to the bedroom, don’t let the initiation end. Be active as you make love. Touch him. Guide his hand. Be the aggressor–at least a little bit. Find a good position yourself. When you’re active, it shows him, “I want to do this.” If you lie there on your back and don’t do much, he may think, “she’s just doing this for me.” Show him you are interested, and you do want this to happen–by making it happen!

A+ #1. DO Be Prayerful

I said there would be 10; however, Joe and I realized that this is the most important one of all ladies. That’s why I classified this as A+ #1 piece of advice that should be followed first, middle and last.  I will daily ask God to give me the energy, the excitement, the drive to be ready for Joe when he is in the mood.  I pray that Joe will be receptive and also ready for when I am in the mood.  I pray that God will also give both of us discernment and understanding when we are “ready to go” and other issues take over that path.  I pray daily that God will grant us the blessing of continually growing closer intimately: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Ladies don’t ever forget, your have something that only your husband can touch, see, and experience.  To withhold or deny could lead to consequences that will only damage that intimacy.

Solomon said it perfectly to his Shulamite bride. “You are like a private garden, my treasure, my bride! You are like a spring that no one else can drink from, a fountain of my own. You are like a lovely orchard bearing precious fruit, with the rarest of perfumes;” Song of Songs 4:12,13

Kerry

Practice Biblical Conflict

iStock_000014615000Small

 

Last year I was blessed and honored to have officiated 6 weddings.  Kerry and I spent time with each of those couples as their Pre-Marriage Counselors.  We were privileged to spend time with them and journey with them as they prepared for their marriage and life together as husband and wife. To be able to do Pre-Marriage Counseling as Husband/Wife and to also be a firsthand witness to the genesis of each of these relationships-from courtship to becoming one as husband and wife, is cherished and priceless.

During the 12 week journey with each couple, the primary focus of discussion usually turns to conflict in their relationship and how to deal with it in a Biblical manner. Kerry and I tell each couple that Biblical Conflict is good and necessary to grow in their marriage; however, we so often are not taught what this looks like nor how to fight fair. One of my favorite “Joeisms” is to say, “If every day were sunshine, you would have a desert. Storms bring growth and new life; however, you need to know how to prune and manage that growth so it will not overrun your marriage.” The need of effective communication thus in turn leads to how well your conflict is dealt with and what growth comes from it: nurturing or destructive.

Gary Thomas wrote a book, The Sacred Search-A Couple’s Conversation Guide, as a guide for pre-marriage counseling. This has become our primary tool we use with our couples we journey with. In chapter 6 of his book, Constructive Conflict, Gary delves deep into the attitudes and actions we each take as individuals with regards to conflict. I would like to share with you his closing paragraph in that chapter.

When it comes to marital conflict, there are many unhealthy forms of communication—acts that make the conflict worse. Let’s agree to reject all these unhealthy methods of relating:
A.Hurtful Words. So much harm can be done in so little time if we don’t train our tongues (see James 3:1–12). Name-calling or blasting back with hateful things has never solved a single marital conflict. It has never served the cause of love. It has never fostered intimacy.
B. Stonewalling. This is such a harmful and common practice. It’s passive-aggressiveness taken to a malicious level. When you agree to marry someone, you agree ahead of time to work through conflict. Stonewalling (the silent treatment or withdrawal) is essentially renouncing your wedding vows. Some introverted personality types may need a moment to themselves to collect their thoughts and pray, but this is different from refusing to engage with your spouse. It’s putting off resolution indefinitely, and that’s just wrong.
C. Bringing Up The Past. Adopt this mantra: “One conflict at a time.” There is no use trying to bring three previous fights into the current one.
D. Acting Like You’re Above Being Wrong. In most conflicts, two people are both behaving inappropriately. One might be 95 percent in the wrong, but there is still 5 percent to be owned. Your spouse’s 95 percent doesn’t excuse your 5 percent. Seek to grow, not to win, in every argument. Own that 5 percent.

As said at the beginning, this is a journey that takes time and practice on both individuals and it is not only necessary in a marriage, but in any form of relationships. Praying that we all heed and own James’ teachings in his letter; James 4:1-3. Seek the Lord and His counsel as you then seek forgiveness from God and then from the one you are in conflict with.

In His Grip~

Joe