What Makes an Orgasm So…

I’ve had some pretty amazing orgasms with my husband, and each time I am in awe of God. In awe that of all the ways He could show off His creativity, He would choose this.

Oh my, what intense, profound, and whimsical depth of pleasure an orgasm is. Only you, God. Only you could come up with something like that.  Remember women and men, that the clitoris serves no other purpose than a wife’s sexual pleasure. None. That’s its only job description. However, we ladies too often fail in allowing it to do its job.

And no other experience even comesIMG_0451 close to the feeling of an orgasm.

Which is why when I hear from wives who have yet to have an orgasm – or who have extreme difficulty experiencing one – I morph into some kind of sex cheerleader, urging them to not give up.

“You do not want to miss out on this! Seriously. Please don’t give up. Don’t fake it. Don’t rob yourself of this. And don’t rob your husband of seeing you and feeling you experience this.”

Sure, I can hear your skepticism at my enthusiasm, as you mull over whether I’m making waayyy too big a deal about sexual climax in the marriage bed.

“Sex isn’t all about orgasm, Kerry!”

True. But let’s not kid ourselves. It’s a lot about orgasm! Yes, I said it!

Ask yourself this question: “When a husband and a wife are physically able to be sexually intimate, yet their sexual encounters drift toward only the husband being sexually satisfied, what happens?”

Enter bored wife, stage right.

Not only does sex become boring, routine and chore-like to a wife in this scenario, it also becomes a source of tremendous resentment.
She begins to begrudge sex; find ways to avoid it; and possibly even blame him. And before long, the whole fabric of the marriage is taking a hit.  Ironically, even he starts to not really enjoy sex, because she’s not into it.  And how could she be? I mean, there’s no pleasure in it for her.

Sure, we’d like to think sexually unsatisfied wives could rise above all that, but human nature being what it is tells us that few wives (if any) really can  just keep “taking one for the team” – without ever getting to hoist the trophy.  And honestly, why would we want them to rise above it?

Why would we want them to keep missing out on the mind-blowing experience of sexual release?

If you are a wife who has never experienced an orgasm and have resigned yourself to never having one, there’s nothing – nothing – noble about your lack of sexual climax.

“But Kerry, if God is such a generous God, why is this so difficult for so many of us wives? Why isn’t a wife’s orgasm as predictable as a husband’s?”

Valid question. Very valid question.

And I used to think that when I get to heaven, I would finally be able to ask God face-to-face my most perplexing sex questions (I know. Probably not what should be high on my priority list at that point, but if you know me at all, you can’t seriously be surprised I wonder these things, right?)

I think, though, I won’t have to wait for my answer, because I think God has already given it to me.

I believe God has created a unique opportunity for a husband and a wife to discover a level of intimacy they otherwise would miss if it was really easy for both of them to climax.  If it was always easy for both a husband and a wife to have an orgasm, I think we would downplay  God’s intention for sex to be this profound connection.

And if it was difficult for both a husband and a wife to have an orgasm, I think we would give up too easily, also missing out on that profound connection.

So instead, God creates a situation where a married couple is left with no other option than to learn together what it will take for them both to experience sexual pleasure.

In the exclusivity of the marriage bed, God invites a husband and a wife to vulnerably and intentionally explore each other’s bodies, to teach each other sexual pleasure, to try new techniques.

Yes, the penis tends to be more predictable than the clitoris, which may leave us assuming that the wife must have greater patience.  But think about the scenario again, okay?  Do you see where both a husband and a wife need patience?  Arousal is an opportunity; not a burden.

Wives, if you struggle experiencing orgasm, I pray you will hear my heart on this.  Your sexual pleasure matters.   If you have thought it doesn’t matter or if your husband has been indifferent, I encourage you to courageously shed light on this.

I know of a wife who was years into her marriage when she finally got the courage to talk to her husband about the reality that she had never been completely satisfied.  She knew that together they had to figure out how to change that unhealthy pattern into a healthier one where they valued pleasure for both of them.

Her marriage and their sexual intimacy are better today because of what at the time was an incredibly awkward conversation. Praise God she pushed through that hesitancy.  By the way, that wife is me and both Joe and I are better for it because of our transparency, not only between the sheets, but in all facets of our marriage.

Ladies, you have heard both Joe and I scream from the rooftops….COMMUNICATE with each other!!  Take time to share with your husband your struggles all the while communicating with him where to touch and how to touch you.

In the next few weeks both Joe and I will contribute to articles on the How, When, Where, and Why of Orgasm. Please know we do not take this lightly nor make this a trivial topic, but we both agree as a husband and wife how important sexually intimacy is in a marriage. When a husband learns because of the communication of his wife on how to bring her to orgasm, or if the wife begins to allow herself to learn more about her body so she can share that with her husband, it is then that a physical intimacy grows exponentially!

What about you?  If you are a wife who struggles experiencing orgasm or if you are a husband with a wife who is missing out on sexual pleasure, what are you going to do today?

The most profound intimate places in a marriage begin with authentic vulnerability.

Kerry

A simple bar of soap: 3 ways to serve your spouse

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I stepped into the shower the other morning to find a brand new bar of my soap.  Before you jump to those clever and sarcastic replies as to why I was presented a new bar of soap, it had more to do with the wonderful display of love by Kerry than the possibility of fear that I have odor.

What I am sharing is that Kerry took the time to notice my bar of soap was down to a sliver and she took time to get out a new bar and replace it with the diminishing one.  She was thinking of me. She was choosing to display her love for me in a simple act of service.  As busy as we are in the morning, getting ready for work and school, she stopped and placed my needs first, even as simple as a bar of soap.

We both take time each morning to ask God to reveal to us how we can display His love to each other by serving each other in ways of sacrificial love. This is a habit that has become as natural as walking. We have made a commitment to each other that before our feet hit the floor in the morning, we spend time in prayer with God, thanking Him for the blessings He has given us. We ask Him to guide our thoughts and actions so as to display a heart of worship to Him. We close by asking Him to reveal to us how we love on each other in a way that we have not done in either a long time or in a new way.

So let me share 3 simple ways to help guide you into acts of sacrificial service to your spouse that will also display a heart of worship to God for the spouse He has graciously given to you.

  1. Start the day praying for your spouse: As I stated above, you must start your day in the proper posture and direction for your marriage. Thanking God for what He has given you. Remember, you are married to His child.
  2. Be a student of your spouse: Watch and observe those acts of service that make them smile and what eases their burdens. If you see that when you cleared the table, your wife was smiling and thanking you, then remember she appreciates you taking the lead and allowing her to rest.  If you know your husband enjoys having a cup of coffee in the morning, maybe you make sure to bring him a cup of coffee before he goes to get his own.  Study, take mental notes, and be observant.
  3. Expect NOTHING in return: When you serve your spouse, you must do it with a sacrificial heart. In other words, DO NOT expect anything in return. Not a thank you, not an acknowledgement, not even the possibility of an act of service in return.  You serve your spouse out of reverence and worship to God, first and foremost.  Your spouse is a gift from God and the way you serve them is a display of your thanks to Him for that gift.

Our prayer is that each day you display love to one another through your words, actions and deeds.  By the way, it’s never too late to change the bar of soap.

Ladies, Are You Initiating It???

Shulamite: “I am the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valley.”                                              Solomon: “Yes, compared to other women, my beloved is like a lily among thorns.”  Song of Songs 2:1,2

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Ok Ladies, I have a very important question for you…Out of the last five times you’ve made love with your husband, how many have you initiated, and how many has your husband initiated?

If you say he’s initiated all 5 that could be a problem!

Now, there are times that Joe and I just start making love because we’re kissing and snuggling, and it’s not clear which one of us initiated it. It just happened!  That is even more reason that we always try to go to bed at the same time, so that things can “just happen” if you know what I mean. There are also times that Joe is very tired, both emotionally and physically. So that evening is just a chance to snuggle and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

However, quite often we get into this rut where Joe will want sex more than I do, and so he’s the one who always initiates. That’s where conflict can arise.  If I negate his initiation of intimacy, then I begin to diminish Joe’s desire to initiate because it is met with a solid…NO. But that’s for another article. When his advances cease I am left to initiate sex, but there are times I’m not even sure how to initiate sex, because I’m not in the practice of it and I’m dealing with a husband that thinks I’m not in the mood.

Think on this…

For men sex communicates love and acceptance, while a lack of sex communicates the opposite. I realize this is not usually what women are communicating with sex and saying no, but it is what men feel. Even when you convince a man this is not what she means, he will still feel it.

When a man feels a good sexual connection with his wife he starts to want other forms of intimacy. Not tolerate, want. The need was always there, but it is hard to hear over the much louder need for sexual intimacy.

So, ladies, it’s time we all step up and take a more active role in our lovemaking with our husbands.  However, the question remains… “How do I initiate sex?”

Ladies, I would like offer 10 suggestions, ideas mined from both Joe and myself, on how to initiate sex with your husband –and help your husband feel like the most blessed man in the world!

  1. DO Show Enthusiasm

Initiating sex requires enthusiasm. The following sentences do NOT count as initiating sex:

We can if you really want to.

I’m heading to bed. I guess If you come within the next 10 to 15 minutes we may still have time to do something.

Do you want to do something tonight? I’m still awake.

It’s been at least a week, guess we are due for one.

Ladies, I speak from experience on this subject…If you’re going to initiate, the first step is NOT telling him “do you wanna?”  The first step is getting in the right frame of mind for sex so that you’re enthusiastic about it, too!  Don’t be a wet blanket!!

  1. DON’T Overthink It

Why don’t we initiate sex? I truly believe that because so often as soon as the thought pops into our heads we talk ourselves out of it.

This is a transcript of what often runs through my mind as I think about initiating sex with Joe.

Do I want to tonight? Well, I don’t know. It is kind of late, and I do need my sleep. I have had a long day and I am so tired. And he seems like he is tired too so maybe it’s just better if we get rest. It can’t be quality sex if we’re both tired and distant, so I had better pass tonight. And what if the kids wake up? And what if….

I have learned this the hard way ladies.  Here is my simple advice…Turn it off! Seriously. When you get the thought, remove it from your mind. Trust me ladies…you’ll be happier later–and you’ll likely sleep better, too!

  1. DON’T Be Embarrassed

“Good girls don’t like sex.”

Did you grow up thinking that? If you grew up thinking that only boys wanted sex, and girls just complied, then you may think that it’s your role to sit back and just respond to him. Anything else somehow upsets the order of the marriage bed that you were raised with.

But do you want the real truth… good girls DO want sex!  God gave us sex drives, too. And inside marriage sex is supposed to be a wonderful thing for both of you!

Think about it this way: Your husband is the only man on earth who can touch you like that. He’s the only man on earth who really truly knows you. You don’t need to be embarrassed around him.  You have something that in a Biblical marriage he cannot receive anywhere else.  Paul teaches us in 1 Corinthians that our bodies are not our own, but that of our spouses.  (1 Cor 7:3-5)

I know that can be a hard transition to make. But begin by practicing little things, like saying to him the morning after you made love, “I had fun last night”, or “you made me feel great!” Practice talking about it afterwards, and it makes it easier to talk about it beforehand!

  1. DON’T Beat Around the Bush

Ladies, this is something I continue to work on. There are many times I will inform Joe that I was in the mood and ready to make love to him; however, it is now the next morning when I inform him of this.  Trust me, he is not too pleased on the missed opportunity. I did not give clear signals. I tried to cuddle up and give him “chills” on his back; however, that signaled relaxation, not sex.

Men are usually afraid of getting rejected, and if he tends to have the higher sex drive in your marriage, he may have conditioned himself to never think about it, or to try not to assume you’re going somewhere, because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. This is Joe in a nutshell.  He is almost always ready but will refrain from getting any hopes up and thus rejected. So with that being said, being subtle isn’t a good thing. Be obvious. Be bold.  Be clear and precise.  It’s easier on everyone!

  1. DO Use Your Hands

Don’t like talking about sex? You don’t have to. Come up behind him, wrap your arms around him, start nibbling his ear, and let your hands wander.  Make sure that you aren’t doing something to relax him, like I shared previously, but instead use your hands to EXCITE him!

Or lead him to the bedroom–but not with HIS hand. You can get things going without saying any words, if the words make you shy. Just do it!

  1. DO Be Creative

Joe has often shared with husbands that evening sex with your wife begins in the morning during breakfast. This can also be said for wives as well. Initiating sex should start earlier in the day. Ladies, text him a flirtatious text or if you are so bold, send him a sexting text while he is at work. Get him revved up early.  You can get dressed in your “pretty” underwear and let him see, and say something like, “so this is what I’ll be wearing all day today….”  You can leave him clues as to what you are going to do to him behind your bedroom door after the kids go to bed.

Trust me ladies, if a thought crosses your mid to entice and excite your husband, do it! This will speak volumes to your husband and will reinforce that message that you are so excited to make love to them. Trust me ladies, they’ll definitely go with it!

  1. DO Laugh

One of the funniest and best times Joe and I share during intimacy is when we get the giggles over trying to either “do something new” or try out a “new position” that is an epic fail. It’s okay to act like a teenager. Really and truly, you can flirt with your husband! Come up with corny and silly phrases.  There is nothing wrong with giving certain body parts a name or identity that only you two share.  It really is okay. And the more laughter, the more fun all around.

  1. DO Be Eye Candy

Instead of wearing your “comfy” pajamas from your college days, get into some silk ones. Or put on a matching bra and panty set, and as you get undressed, show him what you’re wearing. Try putting on a teddy! Get sexy and share with him what only he can experience.  It is so important to not only verbally flirt with your husband, but to physically flirt with him.

Try this one as well, go naked underneath a bathrobe and “flash” him while he’s watching TV. Then walk away, and see if he follows. It works on Joe every time!

  1. DO Follow Through

This is so important ladies. If you make your husband a promise or commitment to be more intimate, then follow through!  If you’ve been texting him all day, or you whispered in his ear when he walked in the door, then do follow through. It’s hard on a guy to get his engines revving and then stopping with no warning. Obviously if something comes up you may have to forego sex that evening, but if you’ve been hinting, then as much as possible, set the right conditions.

Don’t become distracted by the TV or the computer. Don’t let work that was brought home redirect the path that was set.  If sex is your plan, then make sure it happens early, when you’re still thinking about it, rather than giving other things–the news, the computer, work–a chance to distract you and make you change your mind.

  1. DO Be Active

Ladies, I’ve written before about the importance of making love with your husband. So please remember this, once you’ve caught his attention, and you’re heading to the bedroom, don’t let the initiation end. Be active as you make love. Touch him. Guide his hand. Be the aggressor–at least a little bit. Find a good position yourself. When you’re active, it shows him, “I want to do this.” If you lie there on your back and don’t do much, he may think, “she’s just doing this for me.” Show him you are interested, and you do want this to happen–by making it happen!

A+ #1. DO Be Prayerful

I said there would be 10; however, Joe and I realized that this is the most important one of all ladies. That’s why I classified this as A+ #1 piece of advice that should be followed first, middle and last.  I will daily ask God to give me the energy, the excitement, the drive to be ready for Joe when he is in the mood.  I pray that Joe will be receptive and also ready for when I am in the mood.  I pray that God will also give both of us discernment and understanding when we are “ready to go” and other issues take over that path.  I pray daily that God will grant us the blessing of continually growing closer intimately: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Ladies don’t ever forget, your have something that only your husband can touch, see, and experience.  To withhold or deny could lead to consequences that will only damage that intimacy.

Solomon said it perfectly to his Shulamite bride. “You are like a private garden, my treasure, my bride! You are like a spring that no one else can drink from, a fountain of my own. You are like a lovely orchard bearing precious fruit, with the rarest of perfumes;” Song of Songs 4:12,13

Kerry

10 Simple Ways to Love On Your Wife

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Husbands, please listen carefully… I want to share with each of you what basic, simple actions you can do to show love to your wife every day. Love doesn’t mean five-star restaurants or tropical island getaways. It’s the simple things that matter most.

While dream vacations and life milestones are important, it’s the simple things you do to show your wife how much you love her. Husbands, show love and respect to your Bride every day, and remind her why you were the best choice she’s ever made.

I would like to share with you 10 basic tips for showing every day love to your Bride. These are tried, tested, and true.

  • Introduce her with a compliment

    Saying something like “I’d like you to meet my beautiful wife,” or “Here’s my better half” goes farther than you may realize. Publicly recognizing her as your cherished spouse and best friend validates that you love her.

  • Embrace when you see her

    At the end of a long day conquering life’s battles and keeping the kids from climbing walls, you could both use a loving hug. Make a point of showing you missed her and are glad to be reunited. Stop what you are doing, make eye contact with her and hold her. A big kiss doesn’t hurt, either.

  • Ask her how you can help

    If this is a new one for you, she may think there’s a catch. With a sincere willingness to give a helping hand, ask how you can lift her burden and serve her. This gesture applies to more than yard work, but being in tune with her needs emotionally and spiritually, as well. Start becoming a student of your wife.  Watch, listen and learn. Sometimes she just needs a listening ear.

  • Let her pick the movie

    Or, if you’re playing games, let her choose. She needs to know her opinion counts in your marriage. Taking turns with these simple choices makes it easier to compromise on the bigger choices together.

  • Forgive her fast

    She forgot to put away the laundry, or accidentally broke your TV remote. So, she’s human, after all? With all that she does right, let it go when she makes mistakes.  Ask yourself, is this conflict worth our relationship?  After all, you’re no perfection yourself!

  • Hold her hand in public

    Some women are less inclined to public displays, but when appropriate, reach out and squeeze her hand. With the reassurance you’re proud she’s yours, she’ll walk a little taller, and smile a little bigger. Hold her hand when you pray. And hold her hand even when you are both in a fight. Holding her hand no matter what the situation speaks volumes to her heart.

  • Write her love letters

    You don’t have to be Shakespeare; the thought matters most here. Focus on specific things you love about her; the wrinkle in her nose when she laughs or how she finds joy in the little things. You can hide it in her makeup bag, under her pillow, or somewhere else she’ll discover it. She’ll be happily surprised and treasure your words for years to come.

  • Open the door for her

    Chivalry is not dead. Opening the door is a gentlemanly way to take care of your lady. She likely grew up wanting to be a princess. Be her prince!

  • Carve out time for consistent date night

    In an on-the-go digital world, it’s easy to get caught up in the minutia of kids, work, community, extended family and even church responsibilities. Set aside a weekly special night just for the two of you. It doesn’t need to be costly or extravagant. Just make an effort to court her, as you did when you were dating.

  • Let her fly

    As her partner for life, you are in the best position to help her reach her dreams.Dream for her as you pray for her. Words of encouragement are stronger than words of praise.

 

Husbands, begin by implementing one or two of these this week and then keep building on these actions until these all become a habit in your marriage.  I can truly guarantee you that your Bride will appreciate it and your marriage will be blessed.

Joe

5 Things Happily Married Couples Do Not Do…

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You know who these couples are. You see them out to lunch, laughing and comfortable in each other’s presence, giving each other their full attention. They are affectionate, even after years of togetherness. And they genuinely like each other; it’s as plain as the nose on your face. You can’t imagine them not being able to solve a problem, overcome a crisis, or reach a goal together.

Do you want what they have? Both Kerry and I do as well. We have spent years, not only watching and observing, but being students ourselves of our marriage and relationship.

Through these years, we have learned how to create a strong marriage so as to withstand everything from a financial crisis to a dumb fight over how to load dishes in the dishwasher.  But we’ve also learned what happily married couples don’t do from numerous examples all around us.

5 Things Happily Married Couples Don’t Do
Let us present to you and your spouse a  “stop to-do” list so as to begin to create a stronger marriage. However, don’t forget, this requires both of you in full participation…
They don’t let anyone else define their relationship
Their lifestyle, decisions, and goals are based on what they mutually want, not what they think looks good. They don’t bend to pressure to live a certain way, make a certain amount of money, or own certain things.
The life they create together is for their enjoyment and happiness, and they don’t seek approval from other people. Happily married couples know the only votes that count are from the people inside the relationship.
They don’t blame
This is a total time waster, and happily married couples know it. Instead of blaming each other or outside forces, they look at the problem and how they can solve it together. Did you get that, they solve the problem, crisis, conflict….TOGETHER. They know that blame is a circle of frustration because it doesn’t solve the underlying problem.
Happily married couples focus on solving problems instead of laying the blame.
They don’t look for hidden meaning
Reading between the lines and guessing games don’t appeal to happily married couples. They don’t create drama where there is none, and they don’t assign motives that aren’t there. They take their partner at their word, and they assume he or she is always coming from a good place. If there is confusion in what is said, they ask questions to clarify, not to inflame.

They don’t take each other for granted
Expecting your spouse to do something is okay; we all have jobs within a relationship. But not recognizing their contributions or thanking them can lead to taking each other for granted. People eventually feel like they are the only ones keeping the relationship alive, when that’s usually far from the truth.
Happily married couples say “please” and “thank you.” They acknowledge each other’s contributions to their relationship on a regular basis. They treat each other better than they do everyone else.
They don’t hide things from each other
This is so huge peeps! Secrets and lies will explode a relationship just like a ticking bomb. If your spouse can’t know what you’re doing, should you really be doing it?
Happily married couples know that it’s better to have a difficult conversation about negative spending, eating, or personal habits than it is to lie or try to conceal. A strong marriage can work through problems, but only if both parties know about them.
Here ya go: 5 Things Happily Married Couples Don’t Do.

Both Kerry and I have taken these 5 lessons to heart and intend to daily practice what we are NOT TO DO and replace it with what we are TO DO!

Continue to Redeem Back Your Marriage the way God created it to be!

 

Joe and Kerry

5 Ways to be Sexually Playful While Clothed…Seriously, Clothed!

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We will be very open and honest with you all. There are many nights that sex seems to be the last thing on both mine and Kerry’s mind by the time we fall into bed at the end of the day. Although, mine are less than Kerry’s…just saying.
How many of you can make the same claim that we just did? The though of a sexual connection is more often than not, the last thing on either one if not both of your minds. We have shared in the past that as a married couple, a husband and wife, God gave us the pleasure and intimacy of a physical, sexual encounter and the importance of that sexual connection for a husband and wife. However, as the years go by and as we begin to raise our children, we place that God ordained gift of physical oneness to the back burner. If you are lacking in a “Sexual Playfulness” in your marriage, then Kerry and I would like to share with you 5 simple ways to be Sexually Playful during the day, while staying clothed! Yes, that’s right. Reclaim that intimacy all day long and come night time when you are crawling into bed, you will be primed and excited to grow in your intimacy together.
Sexual play when the lights go out tends to be easier when there’s sexual play while your clothes are on.
Here are 5 ideas for being sexually playful while clothed:
1. Touch While Driving.
We are not even talking about anything overtly sexual here. We are talking about expressing your sexual desire and affection with simple gestures.
Any one of these will likely get your message across: Gently put your hand on your spouse’s leg. Caress the back of their neck. Softly run your finger just under the hem on their shorts or the sleeve on their shirt.
If there aren’t kids in the car (or if the kiddos are fast asleep), you can probably get away with more suggestive caressing. Just be prepared to give an explanation if they are not asleep.
Sure, you have to keep your eyes on the road and stay safe. But trust me. A simple touch while driving can speak volumes about your intentions later. So if you are ever behind us and we are slightly swerving, you will understand.
2. Use Suggestive Code Words and Nicknames.
There are so many ways that Kerry and I will speak in “code” to one another. It’s our special way of overtly flirting, that only we can understand. Having small children even made it more of a challenge. Now that the girls are grown up, we are pretty sure that they now have a better understanding of our coded “love” language.
Do you and your spouse have ways to talk about sex playfully without really talking about sex? If you don’t…then start. Trust me, it’s very fun and many times, sexually provocative.
What Euphemisms Do You Use for Sex? What nicknames do you use for your spouse that are only for them no others? Do they know the words and nicknames?
3. Kiss. Really Kiss.
There’s just something about an unexpected passionate kiss that is genuine and heartfelt.
When was the last time you kissed your spouse this way when the two of you were not making love? Like Garth Brooks sang once, “Kiss me like we’re lovers, not like we’re married!”
A spontaneous lingering kiss in the kitchen or before your spouse leaves for work or even as you are putting laundry away can convey that your sexual desire is alive and well. Kerry and I will make sure to kiss each other passionately every morning. This sets the tone for the day and creates a memory for each of us to draw on during the day that says, “I love you and find you stinking HOT!”
Sadly, too many married couples stop kissing passionately.
4. Don’t be Afraid to Sext.
Okay, let’s clear up one item about this. If you decide to sext your spouse make sure not to send those to your spouse if they have a company-issued cell phone, because obviously that phone is the property of the company and they likely have rules against sexting. Just saying.
But if you are sending texts to your spouse’s personal phone, you can get creative. Discretion is the key in this. And always double check that the number you are sending this to is your spouse…trust me, I have heard many an awkward story of a mis-typed phone number.
To be super wise about this, you should use code words. That way, your spouse knows that when you type, “Did I mention we were out of chocolate syrup?,” what you really just said has nothing to do with an ice cream topping. I would share some of ours; however, there is a limit to our transparency with all of you.
Also realize that there are many free apps out there that are set up so the messages only go to the phone number assigned and no one else. These are great and eliminate the possibility of it popping up on a another’s phone by accident. We use Couple. There are other ones that works great: You & Me, Between, and Avocado.  Download one today and let the fun begin between you and your spouse.
Anyway, you get the idea.
When it comes to sexting, less is more. Say too much, too often and the technique loses its arousal factor.
Kerry and I need to share this hard and fast TRUTH: don’t send any suggestive photos. Save all the visuals for the “live-and-in-person” escapades in the exclusivity of your marriage bed.
5. Hold Hands.
I know. This one seems so obvious. But why don’t we see more married couples holding hands?  I for one love to hold onto Kerry’s hand.  We make it a habit of connecting physically in this manner as much as we can, even sitting on the couch together.
Holding hands with the person you fell in love with and pledged your life to is one of the easiest gestures to actually do — but also the easiest to disregard.
When you hold hands with your spouse, whether you are walking to a scheduled game or appointment or even heading into the grocery store, you convey to them that they are still the one you want by your side.
You convey a great message to those around you too, but that’s simply a nice side benefit. What’s most powerful is the message you are sending to the person you married.
And remember that all hand holding is not created equal. When you hold hands frequently enough with your spouse, you quickly learn the subtle differences of the type of affection being shown.
You can definitely be sexually playful through holding hands, and no one will know but the two of you!

So start today and seek to be playfully sexual while fully clothed. As a husband of 25 years to the same beautiful bride, I love how we flirt daily with our clothes on, knowing that we both desire each other to the fullest each and every day and can’t wait to connect physically as God intended for us to be!

21 Ways to Initiate Sex…

  

Joe and I know that there are a lot of articles out there that claim to provide you with all the information that you need to know on how to have great sex.However, for some couples the hardest part is knowing how to initiate sex. You might often feel too tired, preoccupied, or even too busy to initiate sex regularly.

While some think that only having sex once in a blue moon is fine (or even desirable when compared to the opposite), not everyone feels this way.

Some marriages can even face seriously rough patches if one or both of the partners does not know how to initiate sex.

What you must understand is that sex is part of a healthy marriage. For many husbands and wives it makes them feel more desired, more loved, more confident, and less stressed.

So the next time you are ready to initiate sex, we can help you out. We have gathered a list of ways that you can use to initiate sex with your spouse.

21 Ways to Initiate Sex with Your Spouse

21. If you have never really tried foreplay before, try it the next time you feel frisky. Foreplay can include petting, kissing, hugging, or oral sex.

20. Speaking of oral sex, do not be afraid of it! Be sure to give and receive.

19. Send your spouse a text that tells them just how much you want them. 

18. Wear a bit of lingerie. 

17. Whenever your spouse starts to hint, say yes, enthusiastically. 

16. Try something new together. This could be a new location in the house or just a new position. 

15. Give subtle hints to your spouse.

14. Write your spouse a sexy note. 

13. Undress your spouse.

12. Try out a new code to let the other know when you are in the mood. 

11. Give your spouse a massage. 

10. Reminisce about that one time you both had a great time (sexually) together.

9. Take a shower or bath and wash each other.

8. Go on a date together, all leading up to a special night. 

7. Kiss your spouse’s back to wake them up.

6. Try a bit of dirty talk. 

5. Send them a picture of what you are wearing under your clothes. 

4. Show a bit of public affection. 

3. Greet your partner in the nude when they come to bed.

2. Try something a bit different for foreplay. 

1. Just tell them! Let your partner know when you are horny without beating around the bush.

Here is to hopefully breaking the barrier of non-initiating towards sexual intimacy in your marriage this weekend…Here’s to great sex this weekend!

-Kerry